I'm not a vampire! - A Vincent Valentine Story
by Shinobi-Wan Kenobi
Summary: Why does everyone think that Vincent is a vampire? I don't get it...


****

Oh look! It's a Vincent story! *everyone gasps in amazement* I know! Wow. That's amazing. Why does everybody think Vincent's a vampire? True, he sleeps in a coffin. Yes, he only wears black and red. Also, the cape is a distinct factor. But vampires don't use guns. Vincent has a gun. Vampires have fangs. Vincent has none. Hey! That rhymed! *ahem* Well, enjoy the story! Could you pass the garlic, please? 

~… "I'm not a vampire!" - A Vincent Valentine Story …~

By Shinobi-Wan Kenobi

****

Vincent strolled into the cockpit of the Highwind one morning. He saw Tifa looking out the window, as usual. _Doesn't she ever get tired of looking out the same window in the same position looking at the same boring world every single boring day?_ Vincent thought to himself. He looked over at Cid who was walking towards the trainer pilot. Vincent looked downwards at his shoe and saw a tissue stuck underneath it. He also had a sign attached to his back. It read: _My mamma dresses me_. 

Red XIII glanced at him and started making loud chuckling noises. 

"What the hell you laughin' at?!" Cid snapped. 

"Nothing," He started, trying desperately to hold back his laughter, "Nothing at all. Excuse me." He ran out of the cockpit. Hysterical laughter could be heard outside. 

__

Everybody seems normal. They're all they're crazy selves. Vincent thought. He cleared his throat, and said, "Good morning, everyone." 

Everybody gasped. "Ohmigawd! The vampire talked!" Cloud said pointing at Vincent.

"Vampires can talk?" Tifa asked. "I never knew that…"

"Tifa, of course they can talk! Otherwise, they won't be able to say _I vont to suck your blood!_" Barret added.

"WHY DOES EVERYBODY THINK I'M A VAMPIRE?!" Vincent snapped.

"You mean you aren't?" Yuffie asked, puzzled.

"NO!" Vincent said, exasperated. He walked over to the pilot-in-training.

"Could've fooled me." Yuffie said. She walked over to her reserved place in the hall.

Cloud looked at the sign on Cid's back. He started to chuckle. He pointed it out to everyone on the highwind. Barret, Cait Sith, the workers, and Tifa. Everybody noticed the sign and all began to laugh at Cid.

"Wow, Cid… I never would've guessed." Cloud laughed.

"Mamma's boy! Mamma's boy!" Cait Sith chanted.

"Did she buy those clothes for you, too? Huh, Cid?" Tifa asked. Everyone laughed again.

Cid twitched. A rather angry twitch. "ALRIGHT! I WANNA KNOW WHY THE HELL YOU GUYS ARE LAUGHIN'!"

One of the workers walked up to him and ripped the sign off of his back and handed it to him. 

Cid read the sign, and became very angry. "WHO THE HELL DID THIS?!-------" 

Yuffie walked into the cockpit. She smirked at Cid. "Well, Cid, or should I say Mamma's boy? How did you like my lil' prank?" 

"YOU DID THIS?!" He began to charge at Yuffie. 

Yuffie moved out of the way, and stuck her foot out in front of him. Cid tripped and fell flat on his face. "I guess there are some advantages about being short. He had to find out the hard way." She smiled and walked away.

"Could you please land the Highwind? I want to get some fresh air." Vincent said. 

"In daylight?" Cloud asked. "Are you sure? Won't you, like, turn to stone or fry or something?"

"I'm not a- Oh. Never mind." Vincent sighed.

"Okay." Cloud went back to his work.

They landed at Junon. Vincent gladly got off. He went inside the town and took the elevator to the Upper Branch. He started walking around town. He started to get hungry, so he went to a restaurant. 

"What would ya like?" The waitress asked. 

"Um… I'd like a hamburger." Vincent answered.

"Would you like that with a side of garlic?" She asked.

Vincent looked at her with sort of a 'what?' expression.

"Just a joke there." She began to jot down the hamburger. "What else would you like?"

"Hmm… I'd like a steak." Vincent replied.

"Would that be beef, pork, or wooden?" She asked.

Vincent looked at her with that same expression.

"Just a joke there." She jotted down the steak. "To drink?"

"Uh… water, please." Vincent answered.

"Would you like mineral water, spring water, or holy water?" She asked again.

Vincent began to get very frustrated. 

"Just a joke there." She jotted down water. "Your order will be ready in a few minutes." She smiled.

"Excuse me," He read her name tag. ''Buffy. I'm not a vampire."' 

"You're not?!" Buffy asked, confused. 

"No." Vincent answered.

"But I'm never wrong! I never mess up! You HAVE to be a vampire! I don't believe this." Buffy looked faint.

"I'll leave now." Vincent began to leave the restaurant.

"Xander, Willow. I messed up. I don't believe this." Buffy told her friends.

"It's okay, Buffy." Xander began. "It was just a mistake. Get it? Mis- Stake? Wooden stake? Mistake? Get it?"

"Xander," Willow began. "Shut up." 

Vincent was all of a sudden not hungry anymore. He decided to see a movie. He went to the theater. He talked to the person at the box office.

"Hello. What would you like to see?" He asked.

"Hmm. Probably a horror movie. Are there any good ones playing?" Vincent asked.

"Well, buddy, I've got the perfect horror flick for ya!" He began. "It's got death, it's got blood-churning action. It's got suspense, it's got thrills, it's got horror, it's got bad reviews!"

"What's it called?" Vincent asked.

"The Sunrise- A Vampire's Death." He answered.

Vincent stormed away from the box office.

"Have a nice day!" He called after him.

Vincent began to walk around town a little more. "I don't understand. Why does everyone think I'm a vampire?" He went to the center of town, and knelt. He yelled to the sky. "I'M... NOT... A VAMPIRE!!!!!!!" 

Everyone started looking at him funny. All of a sudden, a little boy about 6 years old came up to him. He began to pat him on the back. "It's okay, Mr. Vampire guy."

Vincent gave him an exhausted look, then began to cry. 

THE END!!!!

Thanks! Please R/R! 

****

Shinobi-Wan Kenobi


End file.
